I’ve been going through some stuff lately and had taken a little time out of work to get me back to the right mental space.
I’ve been seeing a counsellor and he’s been really good at helping me block and change memories. We are totally there yet but I’m beginning to see the changes. The sad part is that things often re surface during counselling.
Because of this I thought I need to face my fears, I went to see my parents sat them down and told them how I feel, how things have made me feel in the past and how I could move forward. You would thing this would be a big step forward right??
Wrong…I mentioned things from my childhood and such and how I don’t feel they were proud of me – hence why I have been stuck constantly feeling like I’m not good enough, or I can’t do anything right. But when no one tells you your doing good how do you know?
I’m one of them people that needs to be praised in order to feel like I have achieved something. I build myself up to have very negative vibes unless I’m told different…it’s like I’ve always needed approval.
Looking back on the weeks since the conversation. NOTHING has changed at all. Even the little things like saying hello to your daughter in the morning in her place of work? I’ve been worried and anxious as it is about returning to work and that’s the first thing i get.
I wish sometimes people realised the help they need to give vs the thing they should give. It hurt me to go and pour my heart out but I did it, and got nothing in return.
So should I worry about that? Or focus on me and what makes me happy. My thought is if people are too ignorant to answer me or speak to to show they care…I’m not going to waste anymore time trying to approval for something I don’t need anymore. I had my release said my piece and if that doesn’t change how people treat me then it just shows what kind of individual they are…NOT ME
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I feel the need to write today because of something in the press and it made me think. A young man had taken his own life which can only mean he felt he couldn’t continue anymore. A lot of people envied him, he was a good guy suffering from grief and god knows what else. We all have our demons.
A lot of Please say why don’t you speak to someone? Friends social media were flooding in- I’m sorry I didn’t do enough- you could always talk to me- it’s the tv shows fault- the list goes on.
Truth is sometime even in a world full of people you don’t know who you can truly talk to. This guy was one of them.
Other comments said about how they didn’t understand how or why he would dream of doing this. But I feel I do get it.
Sometimes I’ve been in low places and my moods frequently change. I’ve been there when I wanted to talk and didn’t know where to go, I needed to get it out, to tell someone but I couldn’t find the words to speak to those closest to me. It’s easier said than done when your not in your normal mind because you just feel low.
I googled if there were text services just to too if I could find a way to let it out without speaking about it. But these are for under 25’s and I’m just over. Where do you do when you get to that place??
It’s always easy for people to say things after the things have gone to far but why can’t they just be there in the first place. When I can’t speak or somethings on my mind I come here. Albeit not as often as I should, it gives me the release to know I’ve let part of how I’m feeling out.
Anyone else face these barriers? Maybe it could help you to, there’s others worse off than me and I’m sure others also a lot better – I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who gets how someone may have felt when they committed suicide. I find it hard to see how others can’t understand what would make someone feel that low I guess.
Everyone tries to be a hero when it’s already to late. I’m thinking of that poor guy and sending my thoughts to his friend and family. Sometimes it’s the end before your time. Some aren’t afraid of dying because they already know they will be the ones responsible.
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Put me down??
I haven’t wrote in a while, and now I’m feeling guilty, I should have let myself have that time each day to express how I feel. I think if I don’t then it can sometimes life just takes over! However I don’t want to loose myself in myself. Tomrrow is a new day and my aunt is over from Hong Kong so I’m sure there will be plenty to write about after that visit. I will start trying more to keep my blog alive. I love reading other people but sometimes can’t find the words for my own. If only the inside of my head always a dictaphone! Although I’m sure some of it needs to stay there. Anyway. I’m off for now until tomrrow
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It has been 4 weeks today since I have become a non- smoker.
I was truely sceptical about whether hypnotherapy would work . I can now confirm that it really does work! I didn’t think I was strong enough to give up myself, yet I knew I needed to because of the up coming ivf! And that’s a better reason than any for me.
Having hypnotherapy really worked, I remember the things sarah (the hypnotherapist) worked on my future plans for a baby, she taught me I was preparing my body for my baby. I can still vauguely remember the things she said but I know they are still in my subconscious.
For anyone looking to give up smoking I would recommend this if you feel you can’t do it yourself. Looking back now I know I probably could have given up after our initial chat consultation. After one session I am now proud to say it has been 4 weeks since I have become a non- smoker again! And I couldn’t feel better!
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Good Afternoon My Beautiful Bloggers!
I started to say yesterday about stopping smoking but unfortunately couldn’t expand much and share as much as I wanted to, so I’m catching up now instead. I had been smoking for 14years and I needed to give up for one main reason . IVF. I mean sure there are other reasons as well – less breathless, better health , less smelly, better fitness, less cost, better concentration – The list is endless.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see these reasons as anything at the time. Smoking has never really concerned me as such, I had the attitude sure smoking could kill me but I could step in front of a bus tomorrow … Would it be the Bus or the Smoking that killed me?? – Silly I know in the grander scheme of things. I know now that I just didn’t want give up something I thought I was in control of.
Smoking gave me that 5 minutes outside at work when everyone else is having a bad day I could just go out side breathe and start again. Smoking was something that even if my parents didn’t want me to do it, they couldn’t ever actually stop me once I was old enough. Smoking was my choice it was something that I did when I wanted. But as time went on the habit just stuck, it didn’t go away and it became a bad part of me.
I was in such a routine it became just an everyday necessity, every hour or so…fag, somebody upset at work and they smoke…Fag. It just happened. So I went to see a hypnotherapist who helped and guided me through. Its really difficult to explain what happened in some ways because I’m not sure. But I can say. I am now a non smoker because I just don’t smoke anymore.
I had emailed Sarah several times over December and I kept almost chickening out. Then finally we agreed on 2nd February. We had a conversation on the phone to discuss why I wanted to give up, Did I have something to gain from giving up and many other questions around this, other questions were also just around me and what I do on a daily basis. Sarah said that it was a great motivation to want to give up for the IVF because I have something to gain from not smoking, a Baby. She also said that previously, a few people who has struggled, as they felt they were giving up this habit and getting nothing in return, so they feel a sense of loss. Which I can totally see now, as well as the fact that smoking is not actually addictive – The nicotine companies are literally just having a laugh at us.
I did take in everything that Sarah told me and although it made sense what was being said I also thought surely this cant just change things, just like that?! So we moved on to the actual hypnotherapy. I lead down on the sofa chair in the beautiful, calming office surroundings. The problem was the light and my already existing headache! So I tried to ignore it and pretend there was nothing there and tried my best to relax, I think to some extent I could but I couldn’t fully switch off. I was so scared that it wasn’t going to work because I wasn’t relaxed, we did turn the light off after though and then I felt I could genuinely start to relax more.
It must have done its job somewhere along the line though, because so far so good. I just don’t smoke anymore. I found coming round from the therapy really easy, Sarah said a lot of people have a lot of different experiences, some feel like they’re floating others feel like there sinking, yet I just lead there normally just a bit relaxed and yet it seems to work. I believe hypnotherapy has genuinely helped me.
In some senses I really don’t want to smoke at all, but sometimes I do think about it still. Again though its the same thing I guess, if I don’t think about it, its not there. I still struggle and especially first thing in the morning but its not been long so I’m still really pleased with the results. I can’t quite get my head around the fact for 14 years I’ve done something every hour of the day for this long and now, I just don’t need it. I just don’t smoke anymore. This did come at a price but I think so far for me I think its been worth it. £175.
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Well it’s definitely been a rollercoaster of a week so much has happened I just don’t know where to start! I plan on actually bei g able to sit down and stop tomrrow for long enough to write my blog! I’ll get there I just need some sleep!
I’m a huge coffee person and just can’t function without one in the morning! Although that’s not where it stops, one to wake you up- sure no problem. 8 a day with 2 sugars…yeah I may need to stop that! So I’ve decided to try green tea with mango and passion fruit. I’ve been going almost a week now and I must say I don’t feel too caffeine lacking! I still take one sugar with it as it tastes to bitter for me otherwise. Definitely a caffeine cut down! Would definitely recommend this one below to anyone who’s new to fruit teas and even if your not…it’s good tea, I have also tried one with added b6- blackcurrent and pomegranate (I think) I personally didn’t like this that much but my partner does so it’s easy- just buy a pack of each .
Anyone else know of and decent green teas?
What do you recommend?
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