So I’m not sure if I’ve said before but along with the infertility, I also have a condition called endometriosis or ‘endo’. This is a common hidden disease , it effects 1 in 10 women especially around their cycle time.
There is no cure for this disease, which means the same old thing will continue to happen. It can be eased by medication but nothing ever really make it go away, even after a hysterectomy there have been occasions of the build up still.
Mine was a long diagnosis and effected me in a few different ways. None of which made any sense to me. I just lived with these things even though it was a struggle I never though there would be a reason.
– Anger/Emotion – for reasons I can’t explain I used to get extremely angry if things weren’t right, I just seemed to have a really really low tolerance of things in the week before my cycle. anger was the one that got to me the most, when I threw a knife at my other half in an argument it was a good hint that something wasn’t right. I literally just felt possessed.
– Back pain – This was an absolute bugger! The pain was just always there like a dull low ache, nothing let me forget it was there completely. Before my cycle my whole back, mainly the lower, would spasm and feel really tight and restrained. It was a feeling that no matter how much I stretch and take pain relieve I know if I lie on the floor. I’m not getting back up any time soon.
– Moods – I was just unable to deliver anything consistently, one week I was up then the next I would be down. Again . these got worse prior to cycle. even when I knew it was coming I still, in that frame of mind, genuinely believed that it wasn’t me it was everyone else doing things wrong.
– Fatigue – constantly change in sleeping pattern, constantly going to sleep early or needing to nap more before my cycle. I noticed this more recently when my meds stopped.
I think because these symptoms seems to bizarre it can really be very hard to spot. For years and years my doctors treated me for different things.
-I was treated for depression and anxiety because of the way I was feeling, no one clicked on that this was linked into the timing of my cycle.
-I was treated by physiotherapy for my Back pain- and a good old repeat prescription for ‘wehavenoideawhatswrong’ to help me through
-There was also the unexplained infertility. for this I was only taken seriously after I lost my 5th baby. My ectopic. For me I wanted to share this because if anyone out there is feeling there strange things and cant explain it… I get it.
My colleague at work was telling me all about the symptoms a few months back and they did seem similar, Jane was 48 though so at a different stage in her life. Everything she described just sounded so familiar, I remember explaining to Jane that if you has told me years ago I have this imbalance because of my hormone levels and such I may have thought you were crazy too.
Especially when I found one of the key things to help me was a contradictions, it just felt so strange. But I began taking the contraceptive pill despite never being able to conceive naturally. This just felt weird having always wanted children, the last thing I ever wanted to take was something to stop that. However given that naturally a cant conceive anyway it wasn’t an issue.
Never did I think the tablets would completely help balance my hormones, control the pain and make my cycle lighter when I did take my break. The trick was to take them back to back for 3 months to give myself and break.
Anyway the reason my endo has come back with vengeance is because for me to have my first pre ivf scan I have to go on the first day of my cycle. When I was taking the pill this was just when ever I decided to stop. However this wont give an accurate scan, as it will be however the pill decides to make my lining not how it naturally is. So I had to stop the pill to do this.
My point is I didn’t think I would slip back that easily yet I did. It can easily happen. So I’m now trying to use my mindfulness to help me through.
Just wanted to share this in case you think hang on that sounds like me. I saw Jane in town the other day and her first words to me where ‘ You know I was always having them problems? Well I have something called Endometriosis’ … Who could of predicted that.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you have been effected by this invisible pain monster please feel free to share.