New hair! 

So I’m back at work tomorrow and I’m nervous now! I don’t want things too change I’m happy with being at home, doing my thing.But I know I’ve got so many reviews and audits to go back to it’s not exactly appealing.
However I do want to go a k I just don’t want all of the pity and the sympathetic looks from people who claim they understand! So I decided to die my hair, I’ve only got back to my natural but it’s still a change.
I figured this way people will be more interested in my hair than how I’m doing: I know it sounds silly but it saves us both the awkwardness in the long run.
It’s the simple little things that might make a difference. I will feel more confiedent too and less like all I’ve done is just totally let myself go.
A bit of tanning moisturiser to hide how dark my bags actually are and I’m good to go. The problem is.. you look ok your supposed to be ok. Yet looking ok means that I can just get on with things at my own pace instead of having to answer the questions.
-What’s next then?
– When do you next go in?
– is it going to work?
I really do know just as much as them apart from my own research and a brief meeting with the reproductive unit.
Fingers crossed. So I paint it one and make out I’m ok. Truth is doing this makes it ok it reminds me of the routine without getting flooded
Thanks for reading
T x

Things I want to keep doing

Keep writing and blogging – I’ve enjoyed this for years even if I’m not good, at least it gets things out of my head onto the paper! 

Keep drinking green tea – I used to drink at least 8 cups of coffee a day I’m now down to 2 before noon then jut green tea after that. 

Keep reading books- I love books. I think because it’s what you make it in your head, and we all see things differently, which is why I’m not a fan of some books being made to film… 50 shades of grey …I did not picture Jamie doran I pictured Mr Big from sex and the city! This clearly wasn’t the case almost ruined my image in the book! 

Keep eating breakfast – I’ve never been one for brekkie, I tend to wait until just before lunch then have breakfast, therefore making all of my meals later. I’m getting better at this! 

Keep reading and learning about Mind, Body and spirit- I have really enjoyed these so far and the gifts you get with them are great! My collects building up nicely now, it’s a lot to take on but there’s no hurry. 

Keep meditating – I’m new to this but have been doing well so far and I don’t want to loose that in everyday life again. I want to keep making time for the things I like. 

Keep cooking and cleaning- since I’ve been able to order food shopping and plan meals I’ve been cooking more which I actually enjoy doing. I’ve been able to just keep on top of the house work easily to and in turn me and the other half are getting along better. 

All in all I’m making a pledge to myself to keep doing what makes me happy. 

T x

Got a headache?

According to my mind body and spirit mags it says to run a little lavender massage oil into your temples? Has anyone tried this before? Or are you also reading this series? They are fab so far
Thanks
T x

Aches and Pains

I’ve really been aching and hurting a lot today, my back and neck just feel so uptight, I’m still off recovering from my operation, and I’m due to go back soon, the more I think about going back the more I worry I’m not ready, I’ve just gone through this whole process without actually dealing with the emotional side, I mean I think its just my coping mechanism. Its the next step in the process we’ve got to come to be able to have ivf. I try to not think about that because there are no guarantees. It all just seems so formal and it just kind of happened, no worrying, no time to worry it just happened. And now its nearly over I’m meant to be ready to just bounce back and go back to work like nothing happened. It just all seems a bit surreal now. Now I also wonder if the pains and aches that I’m feeling are really just my worry coming out. Is it even really there?! I know deep down it is but still it just makes me think. Do I just press play again on my life and carry on?
T x

Mango Green Tea 

Hi all

I’m a huge coffee person and just can’t function without one in the morning! Although that’s not where it stops, one to wake you up- sure no problem. 8 a day with 2 sugars…yeah I may need to stop that! So I’ve decided to try green tea with mango and passion fruit. I’ve been going almost a week now and I must say I don’t feel too caffeine lacking! I still take one sugar with it as it tastes to bitter for me otherwise. Definitely a caffeine cut down! Would definitely recommend this one below to anyone who’s new to fruit teas and even if your not…it’s good tea, I have also tried one with added b6- blackcurrent and pomegranate (I think) I personally didn’t like this that much but my partner does so it’s easy- just buy a pack of each .

Anyone else know of and decent green teas?

What do you recommend?

Thanks for reading

T x

My Gorgeous Boys

As I’ve been unwell recently, I’ve been spending a lot of time with two of my favourite boys. I have two Staffordshire Bull Terriers, Alfie who is 4 and pure white and Hugo who is almost 3 is a light brown colour. They are both just so loving its unreal.  Having time to spend with them is so nice for me, for them it means they are allowed to stay in bed for longer!
As I’ve watched them these past few weeks, I have noticed how they are with each other and how they both are in general.
Alfie aka Alfred- Freddie- Fred-Alfido-White boy-Alfinus, is the pure white staff. This is not good come summer time it  means the sun cream has to come out or he turns pink and its not very subtle either! He is a subtly stroppy pup, kind of high maintenance, he is like his daddy (my other half).He likes this his own way and lets you know when he wants something. He hates getting up early and refuses to get out of bed.
He’s the exact same in the evening at around 21:30 Alfie will sit next to the front room door and make groaning noises like he’s talking to you until you let him up to bed, which we do, only for two minutes later Alfie him to plod back down wanting to come back in in case he’s missing something. He’s also a very  jealous boy around Daddy too. He demands all of his attention all the time, when dads back from work he’s just super excited he jumps straight from the floor into his arms the second he’s through the door.
When he was younger he used to go to work with daddy in the van when he was self employed, however a change in circumstances meant this couldn’t happen anymore, now he suffers from separation anxiety – which basically means if we are going to work or going out or have to put him in his bed in the outhouse he will point blank refuse to eat and drink. He’s like no way… I’m letting you feel guilty for leaving me. The second we get back he will eat it all, unlike his brother – Hugo who isn’t phased at all.
Hugo Aka Huge – Waygo – Hugo woo go woo- Hugie – is my brown boy. He’s such a lovable rogue he just wants to have cuddles and kisses all the time, he’s more chilled out than Alfie yet tends to look to Alfie for advice sometimes. He loves his big brother a lot and you can see this in the little ways they look after each other and play together, their fave game together is to run around wild on the trampoline. Hugo tends  to let Alf win unless he’s been really been trying to dominate too much.
Hugo tends to be a lot more like me in ways. I’m definitely his master and I cant explain how good that feels, to have this beautiful little boy look up to and listen to his mum is amazing, he tends to not do this with dad. He’s more soft and snuggly with me and will happily lie by me for hours if he could. He likes to take care of himself is constantly grooming himself, I put this down to living with 4 cats too. He’s friends with all the cats as well where as Alfie tends to treat them more as an inconvenience, Hugo will play with them for as long as they will.
Hugo’s so happy with just a sock its unreal. Every time we get the washing out he’s praying we have dropped one on the way, its funny though because when he comes in from the outhouse while we’ve been at work, he will bark at me in a telling off way. The second you give him a sock or a puppy towel he’s quite and just wiggles a lot to let you know he’s happy now.
Together they are each others best friends- No matter whose more like who or who they listen to or don’t, At the end of the day they are both a huge part of our lives and our family. I didn’t have pets when I was younger and I didn’t actually understand how people could get so upset about and animal passing. I cant believe how wrong I was, I strongly believe if I didn’t have the love and affection of my boys right now I probably wouldn’t be half as far as I am now. This is why I just wanted to share what I was thinking about them.
They are Different but the same, They are Our Flurry img_6488
Alfie

Alfie

The Confusions of Family

Last week my partner lost his new job after only a few weeks. He had been unwell and made to work outside and then he had do something that wasn’t in his job description and had an accident. The ‘Boss’ told him to have the rest of the week and start back Monday. This is the last thing we need given that I’m already off sick after my operation. So my other half also hurting and off work. What made it worse was as he was due to go back he got a text early in the morning to say ‘sorry it didn’t work out between us lets just call it quits’. This came as a huge shock because one minute the boss didn’t want to get a cold himself and said to take the week off, the next he’s saying thank you but no thank you. Anyway regardless of how much stress this puts on us, to pay our mortgage its ok because we can help each other through, I’m not going to lie I have rather enjoyed having him at home. its not often we get just him and her time. So this morning he spoke to his mum , who recommended him for the job in the first place, She was saying about what a terrible weekend she’d had because her dog had been unwell over the weekend and she was struggling with her husband being away. I feel like somehow we were just supposed to know that this had happened over the weekend. We are always criticized for not helping or not being involved but how can we be when we only find out after somethings happened. So it was all woe is me this morning while he was on the phone. After the phone call he said, she didn’t even ask me about the job, so I guess she doesn’t know about it or something, I’ll message her and let her know. And so he did. Only to find out she did know but had too much on to worry about her son loosing his job and not being able to pay his mortgage?!? I understand everyone has their own problems but I just cant get my head around not being there for your child, if you don’t ask does it mean the problems not there?? No of course it doesn’t, I don’t want to be one of those women who doesn’t get along with their  Mother-in-law, like a lot of other women in the world, but Jesus Christ its hard.
Anyone else experienced this before? Surely it cant just be me?

T x

Feel good films

Sometimes a feel good film is all you need to keep you going, and I don’t mean the lovely dovey ones that make every single person depressed. I mean the ones like discovering who you are and seeing that there’s nothing wrong with being content and being yourself. These are the films that remind us just who we are. So in the famous words of Oscar Wilde- 

Be yourself; everybody else is already taken  

Confusion

Hi all
What was a dream it was my fantasy,
for a minute I believed I could be what I wanted to be,
but you put an end to it and I started again,
held my head high didn’t tell a friend.
I got lost in you in your hopes and wishes too,
I believed that I could be just like you,
But I have my routine and I’m settled in,
now I’m not sure – don’t know where to begin.
I want to start fresh and go somewhere new
I know when I get there I wouldn’t know what to do,
I’ve got what I wanted from the start,
but there’s still a empty gap – a space in my heart,
I wish there was more and I could break away,
what I thought was my home is not where I want to stay.
I can be what I want to be but if I did who would want to listen to me,
so I’ll carry on in this empty space,
until I can find my own saving grace
I wrote this when there was a piece of the puzzle missing that I just couldn’t figure out.
I know now I had it all along and just didn’t see it, still sometimes we think of moving away and starting again, with ties its just not that easy. But there’s no hurry, I genuinely somehow believe that if its meant to be, it will happen. I know we are ‘meant to be’ of course more than anything in my life, but which path we take will be down to fate.
Thanks for reading
T x